


More of the Kidfic AU - 1

by Tieleen



Series: More of the Kidfic AU [1]
Category: Bandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Gen, Kid Fic, M/M, part 2 of the Kidfic AU series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-23
Updated: 2010-09-23
Packaged: 2017-10-12 03:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/120151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tieleen/pseuds/Tieleen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Are you seriously sure your friends would want to hang out with a bunch of grade schoolers?" he wonders instead.</p><p>Butcher snorts. "Are you kidding me? Tom <em>still</em> won't shut up about the fucking cobra."</p><p>"Yeah, you know," Pete says, "When I said 'no controlled substances in my house', I actually meant even ones already inside people."</p>
            </blockquote>





	More of the Kidfic AU - 1

"So hey," Butcher says, "do you mind if a few of my friends come to hang out while I babysit tomorrow? They'll be gone before bedtime."

Butcher already knows Pete doesn't mind his friends; actually asking probably means it's more than one or two. But hey, it's not a school night, and the guy knows enough to expect the consequences when the kids refuse to go to sleep after.

"Are you seriously sure your friends would want to hang out with a bunch of grade schoolers?" he wonders instead.

Butcher snorts. "Are you kidding me? Tom _still_ won't shut up about the fucking cobra."

"Yeah, you know," Pete says, "When I said 'no controlled substances in my house', I actually meant even ones already inside people."

Butcher makes another disparaging sound, more emphatic this time. "He wasn't stoned, man, your kid's just pretty damned convincing."

Come to think about it, Mrs. Brady _did_ say something about a snake on the last parent-teacher conference. Possibly a holy snake. Maybe he should have a talk with Gabe.

~

It's not that Pete entirely forgets about it, but he's a bit distracted trying to figure out what he needs to get from home before he leaves for the evening, and anyway he wasn't really expecting Brian the Match Maker's secretary to open his own door for him.

"Mr. Wentz!" William says, looking just as surprised as Pete feels, and then he blinks and says, "Wait, these are _your_ kids? I thought they'd be a _lot_ scarier from some of the stories you told us. I think I'm going to marry your daughter, by the way, I hope that's okay."

"Get in line," Pete says. Actually, come to think about it, he's not entirely sure how he feels about this developing trend about marrying his kids. Even if one suitor is kidding and the other is eleven. "Hey, William. I didn't know you knew Butcher."

"Oh, yeah, we just met a while ago," William says easily. "Me and Tom broke up, so he finally let me meet his friends."

"Right," Pete says understandingly, because if he judged people for being weird he wouldn't have any time to sleep. "They didn't put you on door duty, did they?"

William rolls his eyes. "I got the short straw, I have to do a soda run." He leans forward a bit and says, conspiratorially, "That doesn't usually happen. It's pretty hard to cheat with the little one squinting at you, have you ever noticed that?"

Pete assumes he means Andy, though really it could be Frank just as easily, the only difference being that with Frank you get the distinct feeling that he's taking notes.

"No," he says, anyway, and William gives a sad headshake and a half-salute and closes the door behind himself.

~

Pete's living room, kind of unsurprisingly, contains four college kids sitting in a circle on the floor and listening to his tiniest offspring carrying on about human rights.

Butcher, who's both well-versed and immune by now, is doing some kind of complicated-looking hand slapping game thing with Victoria, mostly consisting of clapping a lot, except he misses a few times because, Pete suspects, he's keeping half an eye on Travis, particularly on Travis using his ten-foot height to function as a theme park ride. Gabe never minds Andy hogging all the attention when Travis' around.

Then Pete catches sight of something a lot more disturbing than Travis, who's never dropped Gabe yet, off in the corner. Specifically, it's the fact that Ryan is apparently home and also apparently deep in conversation with one of Butcher's friends -- one Pete doesn't recognize, actually -- and this is unusual enough, but the way he's leaning seems very suspiciously familiar.

Ryan is fourteen and two months -- Pete is never allowed to forget about the month count -- and has no business _looking up through his lashes_ , which he absolutely just did, at one of Butcher's friends, and also, Pete is _really_ getting tired of people wanting to marry his kids.

Or not-marry them. Whatever. He doesn't even approve of engagements.

The thing is, however, that Butcher really is a good babysitter, even if his friend group apparently contains more of the Undesirable Element than Pete has realized before, and just as Pete is about to announce his presence -- the only ones situated so he's in their line of sight are the guys on the floor, and _they_ 're not paying any attention -- Butcher says, "Hey, Walker, come take over for me, I want to go find Sisky and Tom. And my arms're about to fall off."

Victoria makes an absolutely scornful face. "You're a drummer! You're supposed to have muscles in your arms!"

"I'm probably just not a very _good_ drummer," Butcher says, getting up, and the guy in the corner gets up too and goes to flop down in front of Victoria, offering her his upturned palms easily. Pete ponders the idea that Butcher was keeping half an eye on two different parts of the room while playing a coordination game. Maybe he should give him a raise. Would giving the babysitter a raise entitle you to demand he get different friends? Probably not.

"Hey, guys," he says, for now, and Butcher gives him a smile and a, "Hey, Pete," and disappears down the hall while Victoria and Gabe chorus, "Hi daddy!", Andy completely ignores him in favor of mentioning the Olympics, and Ryan, Pete notes with interest, nods vaguely, his entire being screaming Preemptive Mortification.

Well, it's true. Pete is a pretty mortifying guy.

Mike'n'Mike wave at him from the floor; the two thirds of Alexes present go as far as to shake off the lure of Chinese horror and use their voices, if only momentarily. Pete notes with satisfaction that they still seem to be a bit scared of him.

"Hey, Mr. Wentz!" Travis says, stopping so abruptly Pete wonders if he's never heard about seven year olds and their abilities with projectile vomit. "You know Jon Walker?"

"No," Pete says, and smiles with all his teeth at the kid grinning at him from the floor.

Butcher's friends tend to be very easy in themselves, and usually Pete approves of how most of them -- Alexes excluded -- don't seem too phased by him being their friend's Grown Up Employer, but he immediately distrusts the way this guy says, "Hey, great to meet you," while Victoria tugs on his sleeve impatiently.

Pete needs to work on his tooth action.

"Absolutely great," Pete says, and tries to smile wider. "So Jon, I don't remember hearing your name before. Did you come here with William?"

A hush descends on the room as even Andy winds down, more, Pete hopes, in confusion about the way the Alexes are suddenly staring in horror than because he can actually tell anything's going on. You never know with Andy.

"Not really," Jon says, apparently not paying either of those facts any mind. "I'm in a band with Tom -- you know Tom, right?"

"Tom starts bands with high schoolers," Michael says helpfully. "We think he's trying to set up an outreach program."

A dark and terrible suspicion starts to form in Pete's mind. "You're in high school?"

"He is sixteen," one of the Alexes says grandly, "But we try not to hold it against him."

The problem is, of course, that Pete should be delighted to hear that, but not only is he NOT anyway, the fact that Jon's friends with nineteen year olds takes away some of the advantages of him not being nineteen himself, leaving behind only the fact that the kid just went from being a nineteen year old douchebag Pete should probably keep an eye on in case he was more creepy than being Butcher's friend would suggest, to being somebody Pete's kid _could conceivably date_ , if any of Pete's kids were actually old enough to date, which had of course never been the case and which there is no reason to expect it _would_ ever be.

"Really," He says.

**Author's Note:**

> A completely - completely! - Unrelated note regarding The Wentz Child Rearing Method:
> 
> //At some point Pete decided giving them safe sex talks every three months wasn't interactive enough, and so now they have to take turns giving the speech themselves.//


End file.
